Fundamentals of Growth
Every persons growth journey is unique, also there are some general pathways and fundamentals that appear often. Below are common key steps to growth. These skills can be performed in several ways, they are presented here to give helpful structure to identify and strengthen what you may already be doing, introduce new concepts, and / or give concrete steps to begin.
The quick version “do these skills”:
- Study Emotional Literacy
- Build Mindfulness
- Practice Self Soothing and Regulation Skills
- Explore what to change
- Set Goals
- Build the habits to reach those goals
Is that it? No, this is a primer. There’s a theory: Emotions become thoughts which become words which become actions which becomes habits which become character. Also, that the skills and mindsets you currently use are a set of survival skills that have worked so far, at least in the short term. Specific challenges are best supported by specific goals, skills, and supports; generally they will follow some version of the above.
For a deeper diver, keep reading.
1. Awareness
“You can’t change what you don’t see.”
- Recognizing there’s something you want or need to grow in (a pain point, longing, or pattern).
- Often triggered by discomfort, curiosity, or inspiration.
- Includes understanding your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and patterns.
Keywords: Mindfulness, noticing, self-reflection
2. Acceptance
“This is where I’m starting from—and that’s okay.”
- Letting go of shame or denial.
- Accepting current limitations, past wounds, or personal truths with compassion.
- Builds a foundation of non-judgment and emotional safety.
- You are not your body, emotions, or thoughts. They are a part of a system of you which you can influence.
Keywords: self-compassion, grounding
3. Intention
“What do I want to grow toward?”
- Setting clear goals or themes: healing, becoming more confident, having better relationships, etc.
- Can be a single aim or a holistic life direction.
- Therapists are all about “smallest steps” first, even with big goals.
- Align motivation with values.
Keywords: vision, goal-setting, motivation
4. Learning
“What do I need to understand or unlearn?”
- Acquiring new tools, perspectives, or skills (through therapy, books, experiences, etc.).
- Letting go of old beliefs, habits, or reactive patterns.
- Integration of knowledge into personal context.
Keywords: unlearning, education, exploration
5. Practice
“Growth happens in the doing.”
- Applying new skills and habits, often imperfectly.
- Requires patience, repetition, and resilience.
- Embraces mistakes as part of progress.
Keywords: habit-building, consistency, resilience
6. Reflection & Adjustment
“How’s this working for me?”
- Assessing what’s helping or not (the scientific process for the soul).
- Tweaking your approach based on experience and feedback.
- Ongoing self-reflection to stay aligned with deeper values.
Keywords: evaluation, feedback, refinement
7. Integration & Embodiment
“This is who I am now.”
- New behaviors, beliefs, or ways of being feel natural.
- Growth becomes part of identity and lifestyle.
- Often brings new clarity… and a new starting point for the next growth cycle.
Keywords: embodiment, transformation, wholeness
Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.