Kink / BDSM

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Exploring Kink / BDSM Therapy

One of the wonderful things about humanity is that we’re all so different and unique – even right here in Houston, Texas. As such, everyone experiences fun, fulfillment, and relationships in a variety of shades on a spectrum that’s ever-expanding. Unfortunately for some, the things that spark interest and raise excitement may seem unacceptable and can make us feel ashamed. In some cases, and for some of us, that shame makes things even more interesting.

Much like how law enforcement personnel that are trained under the Duluth Model don’t seem to understand power exchange dynamics, some counselors have trouble seeing feeder kinks outside the lens of an eating disorder. Many fixate a little too heavily on the Freudian aspects of DD/lg play as well. The simple fact that they don’t understand kink or BDSM makes it impossible for them to offer the guidance and support that you deserve.

Regardless, when someone is about to be gagged, bound, or put into subspace, healthy relationships and good communication rise to a whole new level of importance. This is where therapy from a trained professional who understands these all-too-often misunderstood interests and behaviors comes in. Guidance and support from a trained professional, like me, with just the right kind of experience can be immensely helpful.

I’m more than just a licensed mental health professional who offers therapy to individuals in Houston, Texas. I’m a kink and BDSM aware therapist who understands alternative lifestyles due to personal experience and exploration. As a therapist, I specialize in the exploration of open, non-monogamous relationships such as polyamory and swinging, and alternative lifestyles such as kink, BDSM and LGBT+.

I can help with any number of mental health concerns, but some of the most concerns I address with clients include:

Safely Exploring BDSM Boundaries

Nothing says, “I’m yours” quite like signing off on multiple clauses in a slave dynamic contract. Some live the life 24/7 and twice on Mondays. Others have subtle necklaces that are actually nothing more than work appropriate collars.

In a culture where being a cat or dog person has more to do with custom outfits than is does with going to the ASPCA, finding out what you’re into and what you’re not into means exploring a vast menu of options with some potential, yet definitive consequences. I’m here to provide you with some essential support as you try a little, before you try a lot. 

Processing Complex or Uncomfortable Emotions

Have you ever had one of those “did I enjoy that? I can’t believe enjoyed that” kind of experiences? Sometimes we play for the same reasons one watches Rocky or Steel Magnolias – it can be cathartic.

Scenes can also bring up conflicting, confusing, or old feelings that may leave us in a state of overwhelm. In some cases, we have experiences that can leave us questioning how we see and accept ourselves. Together, we can explore these feelings and work on processing the associated emotions in a safe, non-judgmental environment.

 

Negotiating Kink Scenes

They say the difference between sensuality and kink is whether you use the feather or the whole chicken. If you’re expecting one and get the other, it might not be so fun. Sometimes the preference between latex or leather, leather or fur suit can be distracting and downright disruptive to a scene.

If you don’t have an agreed upon time frame or mutually approved toys to use, an unexpected surprise can lead to frustration or undiscussed consent violations. Further, finding out after a scene has started that a play partner is prone to seizures, is on new medications, or has an old injury can be terrifying. These are things you may have never even considered.

Knowing how to negotiate scenes mindfully can be a literal life saver. At the very least, it can make things much more enjoyable for all parties involved.

Processing BDSM and Kink Related Trauma

Have you ever had a “did I enjoy that? No, I did not enjoy that” kind of experience? Or maybe you’ve been through a scene that required a definite Red Light call, and it left you traumatized. Did you know that doms can be traumatized too?

Being in an environment where everyone is aware of the importance of aftercare can be phenomenal. Unfortunately, that awareness on its own is often not enough. Trauma can be sneaky. Sometimes you don’t even realize you’ve been affected until days later, or until a trigger occurs.

With Kink and BDSM based therapy, we can work together through a trauma informed lens with the intention of restoring your feelings of wholeness and safety.

Exploring Mental Health Questions in Kink

It’s may not be fun or sexy to think about, but sometimes a kink isn’t just a kink. When risky situations cross the line and become definite danger, or when the quality of life is taken over, it may be time to consider how much of an impact the lifestyle is having on you.

Maybe you’re not sure. You could be standing on a line that has you somewhere between “I’m okay with this,” and “I’m not okay with this.” In either case, I have the experience to help you answer questions of “is this too much,” “is that what I want,” and “am I ok,” without jumping to conclusions.   

 

Maybe you are someone who is so new, you don’t even know that Fetlife is a thing. Or you could be so experienced that you’re currently teaching shibari classes. In either case, I’m here for you.

I offer supportive therapy with years of first-hand experience in the scene. Unlike most therapist you may encounter, I know better than to yick your yum. I also understand that although your kink might not be the same as mine, your kink is valid. If you or someone you know is looking for a kink and BDSM aware therapist in Houston, Texas, reach out using the contact form below to set up a free consultation.