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Goal Setting

Goal setting, if done wisely, can be a very effective means, not only of improving our productivity, but also of improving our well-being. Also, writing a goal down increases the likelihood of completing the goal by 70%! Like many things in life, the destination is not always as important as the journey. Grit is another support of goal achievement. Having a committed goal pursuit (shooting for something) can:

  • Increase a sense of purpose and control in life
  • Increase self esteem, the belief we can make significant changes in our lives / world
  • Add structure and interest to our daily lives
  • Help us learn to strategize and prioritize our time
  • Keep us grounded in crisis
  • Bring us into contact with others


  • First, decide if you are making a goal for:
    • Project Goals: A well defined, usually short term (year or less) project type goal
    • Life Goal: Such as being a better partner or parent
  • Project Goals are best outlined use the SMARTER goal template. Ask yourself the following questions:
    • Specific – What in the smallest steps possible, do I want to do?
    • Measurable – What can you measure, with numbers, to see if progress is being made?
    • Achievable –  Do I have the resources to achieve my goal? Time, money, emotional energy, etc.?
    • Relevant – What do I hope to get out of completing this goal?
    • Timely – By when will the goal show results?
    • Evaluated – How will I know I achieved my goal?
    • Reviewed – What did I learn, how did I grow, and what new goals may I have now?

Ex.: I will park in the back of the parking lot 5 times this week before it’s too hot to train myself for longer walks for the next month. I will track my data in an app and see if walking becomes easier to do.


  • Life Goals are best begun by building up hope and motivation with the WOOP template, then defining the (very) flexible plan by asking ourselves 3 questions.
    • WOOP
      • Wish – Think of a meaningful and attainable wish
      • Outcome – Imagine you are already experiencing the wish as strongly as possible!
      • Obstacle – Quickly afterward, think of internal obstacles holding you back, clearly and strongly
      • Plan – Create if / then plans for when you encounter those obstacles
    • Now that we are more likely to follow through with our goal because we’ve Wooped it up!, ask yourself these questions.
      • Rather than what my goal is, ask why do I have this goal?
      • Rather than being good, ask how can I be better  than I am now?
      • If,
        • we need to focus on details and avoid distractions or temptations, ask how do we prevent not achieving our goal?
        • we want to try new things, increase creativity or optimism, and value speed over accuracy, ask how well can I do?

Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.