Lost on the Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy Spectrum
Are you or someone(s) you love struggling with relationships? Maybe you feel like you can’t say how you really feel. Or perhaps you love your partner, but at the same time, you realize that no single person could (or should) ever be your everything.
Ever watched a RomCom and felt completely dumbfounded? If the thought “just date both of them” or “what’s the big deal, it’s just sex,” has ever crossed your mind, you might fall somewhere on the Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy Spectrum. Are you surprised?
Or maybe you’re on the other side of the fence wondering why you aren’t enough for your partner. You find yourself thinking that if they really loved you, they wouldn’t need anyone else. It could be impacting your self-esteem, putting strain on your relationship, and even making you question your values. Maybe you’re somewhere between, “I love my partner and I want them to be happy,” and “I’m not sure I believe that ethical non-monogamy is even real.”
Finding Your Place on the Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy Spectrum
Maybe you’ve decided to give this whole “non-monogamous” thing a try, but you’re feeling a little lost. Just learning the labels on the ethical non-monogamy spectrum is hard enough! How do you know if you’re in an open relationship, or if you’re monogamish, polyamorous, a swinger, or something else? How can you even be sure that you’re not falling victim to polyfuckery (or committing it)? Is that even okay?
Beyond the lifestyle, there’s a whole new world of vocabularies that most spellcheckers aren’t prepared to handle. And if a spellchecker can’t handle it, how can you?
For some people who are in open relationships it’s kind of like a Beyoncé experience. AKA, they woke up like this. They saw a TV show, read a book, or met someone and thought, “yeah, maybe that’s me”.
For others it’s more like Lady Gaga – they were born this way. All throughout high school, college, and adulthood, they tried to be good and ethical, which led to a string of broken hearts and harmful self-criticism.
While, the rest of the world is full of serial monogamists, dating one person at a time (which really isn’t even monogamy… but we’ll have that TED talk later), you’re struggling to figure yourself out and trying to understand your way of loving. You don’t seem to understand why you can’t share all this love or lust welling up inside with those you find attractive. That would only make sense, right?
Except for the rare “special episodes” of TV sitcoms, polyamorous, swinger, or open relationships in general, are never portrayed. There’s no model to follow, and it might feel like the whole world is just waiting to pass judgement on you.
Here’s what I want you to know: it’s okay to be who you are and to feel what you feel. You might be polyamorous, you might be a swinger, or you might be somewhere in the middle. Or maybe you’re just dating someone who falls somewhere on the Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy Spectrum. Whatever the case, we can help you validate how you date, copulate, and relate.
Whether you are trying to explore who you are, come out, or do what you do, but better, I am here to replace the disappointing lack of Disney movies that showcase your flavor of romance, and help you write your own better-than-Disney worthy slick-flick.
Why People on the Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy Spectrum Should Seek Counseling.
There are many reasons why individuals who fall on the Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy Spectrum might come to see me. Aside from the opportunity to speak with a professional who truly understands, the most common reasons are as follows:
- Opening up, especially after a partner drops a lifestyle-bomb. Having a safe space to talk through your feelings and experiences can mean the difference between moving forward together and ripping apart at the seams.
- Avoiding the time consuming (and expensive) process of explaining the language of your world to a therapist who just doesn’t get it.
- Learning to negotiate relationship dynamics. Like does it have to be a closed triad, or can it be more of a wibbly-wobbly quad? Do you like polyamory or are you more of the swinger-type?
- Seeing what’s out there. I find that once you flaunt one social convention, other’s soon follow. Like Dr. Seuss said, “Oh the places you will go!”
- Preparing for that first venture out there. The on-premises sex club is not the best place to begin discussing “rules”. Likewise, most first-time-open-relationship experiences flop like a lead balloon (not designed by the Myth Busters). It makes sense. If you’re in a great, life-fulfilling relationship with your first ever crush, it probably took some ups and downs to learn a few things, right?
- Repairing relationships from rocky beginnings due to mismatched expectations, overwhelming feelings, or breaking of trust. Trying to live more freely and authentically can be hard – especially if one of the people you love isn’t totally on board.
No one should feel like they have to hide who they are. Unfortunately, if you’re new to all this, that little voice inside your head can be pretty convincing with its “why can you just be normal,” and it’s other, less-than-kind criticisms. I’m here to help you validate how you feel and take your place on the Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy Spectrum with pride.
In session, my approach is eclectic and varies from person to person; meaning, I can’t help you with what you need until we work together. In most cases, in a client’s first session, they talk, and I listen. I might ask a few questions, but then I listen even more.
I can take whatever concerns you share and help you develop a personalized treatment journey that’s just as unique as you. Then, before you know it, you’ll be on the road to the kind of love that has your name(s) all over it.
If you or someone you know is opening their relationship, or already has, and could use some restorative support, please contact me below for a free consultation. I would be humbly ecstatic to walk beside you in this phase of self-discovery so you and your loved one(s) can live and love as freely as your truest selves.