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Intrusive Thoughts

Obsessive thinking does not solve problems, you become stuck in set thoughts and feelings. This pairs very well with self soothing strategies.


  • Make a list. Write your thoughts down, then add what triggers them, then add what you can do about the trigger.
  • 3 – 90 Second Rule. Let yourself think the thought  or have the emotion for 3 to 90 seconds, then choose something else to think about. A feeling, memory, fantasy, or affirmation.
  • Learn how to relax. Say “relax” in your mind, remind yourself you’re going to be ok. Notice what muscles are tight and relax them one area at a time.
  • Be in the present, with presence. Choose to focus on exactly where you are at this moment, not the future or past.
  • Distractions. Find something else to do.
  • Change Emotional Responses
  • Thought stopping. We can’t keep ourselves from thinking, but we can say, “Stop” to them.
  • Mindfulness. Begin with guided meditations (youtube?). The more you practice outside of situations when mindfulness could help, the better you’ll be when you do need it.

Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Broken link? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.