Why It’s Normal (and Even Healthy) to Feel Jealous
We’ve all been there before – that nagging feeling in the pit of our stomach when we can’t help but feel a little bit jealous. Maybe your partner has been talking to someone else online, and you can’t help but feel a little left out. Or maybe your best friend just got a new job, and you’re starting to feel like you’re falling behind.
Jealousy is normal, and it’s actually healthy to feel it from time to time. However, how you react to those feelings is crucially important. This blog post will discuss how jealousy can manifest in non-monogamous relationships and how to overcome those feelings to maintain a healthy relationship!
What is Jealousy and Where Does it Come From?
Jealousy is a normal emotion that everyone feels at one point or another. It’s usually triggered when we feel like we’re losing something – whether that’s attention, love, or even just time.
For example, you might feel jealous if you’ve been dating someone for a while and they suddenly start spending more time with their friends. Or if your partner starts talking to someone else online, you might feel like you’re not the most significant person in their life anymore.
Romantic jealousy is often seen as a negative emotion in polyamorous relationships, but it can actually be healthy to feel it from time to time. It’s a sign that you care about the relationship and are invested in it.
However, how you react to those feelings of jealousy is essential. If you let jealous behavior take over, it can damage the relationship and even lead to breakups. That’s why it’s essential to learn how to manage your jealousy and deal with it healthily!
How Jealousy Shows Up in Non-Monogamy
Jealousy in non-monogamous relationships can be a killer. If you cannot control your negative feelings, it can be detrimental to everyone’s mental health – both yours and your partner’s.
There are a few different ways that jealousy can manifest in non-monogamy:
- You may feel jealous of your partner’s other partners. Feeling jealous of your metamours is especially common if you feel you’re not getting enough attention from your partner.
- You may feel jealous of your partner’s time and energy. If it feels like your partner is always busy with their other partners, you may start to feel resentment towards them.
- You may feel jealous of your partner’s intimacy with their other partners. Jealousy about intimacy can be a difficult feeling to overcome. Still, it’s important to remember that just because your partner is intimate with someone else doesn’t mean they love you or value your relationship any less.
Try to keep in mind that the stories your brain is telling you aren’t always the truth. Your partner can’t help you overcome your jealousy unless they know what’s going on and can’t support you unless you can tell them how to support you.
How Jealousy Can Be Healthy for Every Relationship
While jealous thoughts can be detrimental to a relationship, it can also be healthy. Jealousy can motivate you to work harder in your romantic relationships and friendships, and communicate more effectively with your partners.
Jealousy can also help you to identify what you truly want in a relationship. If you’re feeling jealous of your partner’s other partners, it may signify that you want more attention from them. If you’re feeling jealous of their spending time with their other partners, it may signify that you want more quality time with them.
Identifying the root of your jealousy can help you to communicate your needs to your partner in a productive way. It’s important to remember that jealous feelings are normal emotions, and it’s okay to feel it sometimes. However, how you react to those feelings is what’s most important, finding a healthy way to deal with those emotions.
How to Communicate Jealousy in a Healthy Way
If you’re feeling jealous, the best thing you can do is improve your communication with your partner. Talk to them about how you feel and why you feel that way.
It’s essential to be honest with your partner, but also remember to be respectful. Jealousy and envy can be complex emotions, but it’s important to remember that your partner is not the root of your jealousy.
Your partner can’t control how you feel, so it’s necessary to communicate your needs in a way that isn’t blaming or accusatory. Instead of making a partner feel bad for spending time with someone else, use statements that begin with “I feel” AND that communicate a way for the jealousy to be alleviated.
For example, instead of saying, “I’m feeling jealous because you’re talking to someone else,” try saying, “I’m feeling a little jealous, and I need some more attention from you.”
By communicating respectfully and honestly, you can healthily overcome jealousy!
How to Manage Jealousy through Self-Care
In addition to communicating with your partner, it’s important to practice self-care to manage jealousy.
There are a few things you can do to take care of yourself:
- Talk to a therapist or counselor about how you’re feeling.
- Identify your triggers and try to avoid them or work on them appropriately.
- Practice mindfulness and meditation.
- Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.
- Make sure you’re taking care of yourself physically by eating well and getting enough exercise.
Jealousy can be challenging, but remember that you’re not alone in this. Many people feel jealous sometimes, and there are ways to overcome it! With communication and self-care, you can overcome jealousy. If at first things don’t go smoothly don’t beat yourself up, talk about it and rebuild.
I serve individuals who live in Houston, Texas and throughout the state, with a specialized focus on those who are polyamorous, non-monogamous, members of the LGBT+ community, or otherwise alternatively inclined. My mission is to help those who struggle to accept themselves or live authentically. Together, we will work to rewrite your future to let your true self out.
What kinds of struggles with jealousy have you overcome? What tools did you use to accomplish this? Let us know in the comments!
Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to me here.