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Love Map Exercise

Love Map Exercise


Establish a baseline in your knowledge of one another, and each partner begins to become very well-known to the other. Cognitive room begins to be allocated for each partner. Research shows that a very powerful predictor of relationship stability is whether couples, particularly husbands in heterosexual relationships, allocate Cognitive Room for their relationship and for the world of their partner. 


It is as if the masters of relationship have developed a map of the world of their partners, a cognitive map of their relationship and its history, and a map of their partner’s history, concerns, preferences, and the current world of their partner. 


Love Maps are created by asking Open-ended Questions. An open-ended question is a question that can’t be answered by a simple “yes” or “no.” It is a question such as, “How would you like our life to change in the next five years?”


The goal is to change the way couples move through time together.




  • Sit facing each other with Partner A picking a card from the Love Map Card Deck
  • Partner A reads the card out loud, and answers it in terms of Partner B’s world. 
  • Then Partner B can say, “Yes, that’s right,” or “No, good try. Here’s the right answer . . . .” 
  • Then have the partners trade roles.
  • Partner B takes a turn to pick a card, read the question out loud, and answer it in terms of Partner A’s inner world. 
  • Keep alternating, taking turns drawing cards.


Be gentle with each other and have fun.


Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.