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Accept What You Cannot Change: Accept One Another

When you choose your partner, you automatically choose your set of irresolvable problems. For any other partner, you would have had a different set of irresolvable problems. This is very much like the set of ailments we develop as we age. Trick knees, bad back, indigestion. We learn to live with these chronic ailments and to make the best of life in spite of them. The same is true of any relationship.


  • First, ask yourselves, “Is this one of our irresolvable problems?”
  •  What adaptations has each of us already made in our relationship? How have we already adjusted to differences in our two personalities?
  • Are there parts of one another’s personalities that are not ideal but to which we have already made adjustments?
  • Are one person’s feelings more important on an issue than the others? For example, this issue may be more central to one person than to the other.
  • Is it possible to have some type of trade off across issues, for example with one person winning on one issue and the other person winning on another issue?
  • How can we further adapt to this?
  • Can we minimize the importance of the issue, emphasize common ground, laugh about this, accept one another’s foibles?
  • Is it okay for this problem to never be fully resolved?


Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Broken link? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.