Regret is a complex, reflective emotion that often arises when we perceive a loss, be it in an estranged relationship, the death of a loved one, or a missed opportunity. It is rooted in the feeling that different actions or decisions could have changed the outcome. This emotion leads us to mentally replay past events in an effort to make sense of what went wrong or reconcile what was left undone. Regret involves counterfactual thinking, where we imagine how things might have turned out had we made different choices.

As a higher-order cognitive emotion, regret is deeply intertwined with feelings of shame, guilt, sadness, and distress. When these emotions resurface repeatedly, they can lead to prolonged sadness or a downcast mood. For example, after a relationship ends or a loved one passes away, we often dwell on what we wish we had done differently—things left unsaid or actions not taken. This mental replay can feel like unfinished business, where we seek relief by imagining alternate outcomes.

Regret serves as a type of internal feedback, helping us assess our past decisions. Though painful, it can inform us of our failure to meet our ideals, highlighting missed opportunities for growth and change. In the long run, we tend to regret inaction more than action, and this can prolong feelings of dissatisfaction. Our brains also become habituated to familiar relationships, leading us to undervalue the people closest to us. When those relationships are severed, we may regret not showing more appreciation.

While reviewing the past can clarify our judgment errors, ruminating on regret often intensifies negative emotions. These unwanted emotions, like regret, are designed to be uncomfortable because they act as warning signals, much like a fire alarm demanding our attention. Although these signals can be overly sensitive—triggered by relatively minor events or past memories—they still convey important information about our values and emotional well-being.

Unwanted emotions often persist longer than pleasant ones because our bodies are wired to prioritize potential threats over positive experiences. This negativity bias keeps us alert to dangers, but it can also cause us to overlook the positive aspects of life. By recognizing that our emotions, while uncomfortable, are not threats in themselves, we can approach them with more objectivity. Instead of reacting impulsively, we can assess whether the emotional “alarm” signals a true danger or simply a false positive.

Ultimately, even the most painful emotions, like regret, can offer valuable insights. By decoding the message behind these emotions, we gain clarity about what matters most in our lives. This understanding helps us focus our energy on what is truly important, rather than being overwhelmed by negative feelings.