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How Do You Change Your Relationship?

Here are 5 important situations in which partners can easily make adjustments to their weekly schedule and earn points in their emotional bank account.


  • Have “Events of the Day” discussions. Particularly those designed primarily to do errands, to exchange information about important / exciting / interesting events, and to reduce stress. Daily for 30 minutes.
  • Set aside time for dates. Make the goal of your date to update your knowledge of each other’s emotional worlds (Gottman Card Deck type questions). On these dates, talk about worries and stresses as well as hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Weekly, 3+ hours.
  • Turn towards each other during everyday events. In many everyday events, there is an opportunity to turn towards or to turn away emotionally. Thousands of these moments happen every year and are opportunities for you to build your emotional bank account, some can be made.
  • Prevent everyday low-level irritability and emotional distance that can continue for some time and warrant a talk. When there are low levels of irritability and emotional distance in the relationship, the mathematical model suggests the men will turn out to be happiest if they bring the issues up within a few days. It is particularly helpful when they are the ones to bring up the low-level irritable issues. The talk should be at least 30 minutes.
  • Maintain positive thoughts when you are apart. When you are apart from each other, particularly at work, maintain positive thoughts about one another and the relationship. Focus on relationship-enhancing thoughts, rather than on distress maintaining thoughts.

Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.