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Aftermath of a Regrettable Incident

Since there is no perfect relationship, no matter how well we discuss things, eventually we will argue, say, or do something we regret. This exercise is meant to help us talk about the same topic again, but a little better this time.

The timeline would look like we had a discussion, that became a fight, we talked about how the fight went, we try to have the conversation better… repeat as necessary.


After an argument or situation you wish could have gone differently, try this:

  • Each partner states how they felt during the incident.
  • Decide who will start as the speaker and who will start as the listener.

Speaker, your task is to talk about the topic from your point of view using “I” statements

    • Don’t argue for or try to persuade your partner of your point of view, just explain how you see things. Focus on thoughts and feelings.

Listener, your job here is to help your partner feel safe enough to tell you their point of view. You can help by suspending judgment and not act like a judge, rather someone who is curious.Give your version of what happened in the situation, try to keep the description on yourself.

    • Try to summarize the other person’s point of view. If needed, ask questions to clarify or give corrections.

When each partner can summarize the other speaker’s side, move to the next step.

  • Identify where in the situation things escalated, look for a trigger. When have you felt like this before?
  • Make a plan to deal with the trigger so the next conversation can go better.


Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Broken link? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.