Phenomenological Love

I was taught by a mentor with a doctorate in Positive Psychology one definition of love is that the person exists phenomenologically. When the person is absent, one can close their eyes and see them as if they were really there, hear their voice, smell their scent, almost feel their touch.

In our youngest years, we understand love in the terms of distance, time, and depth. Love is here, now, and close. Part of the recovery in grief is the brain rewiring that the loved one is no longer here now even as they are phenomenologically here, now, and close.

Dr. John Gottman has said roughly, “I’m less a therapist and more a collector of stories.” In their work, the Gottmans emphasize carrying the internal story of positive sentiment override built of a culture of forgiveness and gratitude even as the amygdala naturally drifts to the negative. Imagination is a form of magic, and can be strengthened. You can also build and update that story.

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