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Magic Five and One-half Hours a Week

  Magic Five and One-half Hours a Week


Research suggests, at a minimum, partners adjust their schedules for 5.5 hours a week. Relationships that continue to make relationship gains seem to be doing a number of things to restructure their week. These tips have been put together as suggestions.




Here are some suggestions research seems to indicate.


Partings: Don’t part in the morning without knowing one interesting thing that will happen in your partner’s day, and kiss for a minimum of 6 seconds. Two minutes a day x five working days = 10 Minutes.


Reunions: The 6 Second Kiss. The Stress Reducing Conversation or Active Constructive Responses. Each partner takes 10 minutes to talk about their day, the other partner(s) uses active listening skills. Rule: Understanding must precede advice. 20 minutes a day x five days = 1 hour, 40 minutes. (Add 10 minutes per partner above 2).


Admiration and Appreciation: Find some way everyday to genuinely communicate affection and appreciation for your partner.  “I appreciate…”. Five minutes a day x seven days = 35 Minutes.


Affection: Kiss, hold, grab, touch each other. Play is good. Make sure to kiss each other before going to sleep, and follow the old advice, “don’t go to bed angry”. The 6 Second Kiss. Five minutes a day x seven days = 35 Minutes.


Love Maps: Update your Love Maps. Turn Towards one another. Go out on a relationship date, two hours once a week. Think of great questions to ask your partner (e.g. “How’re you thinking of changing the bedroom these days?” or “What would be your idea of a great getaway?” or “How are you thinking about your work these days?”). These dates can sometimes be about resolving a relationship or relationship issue. 2 Hours.


Aftermath of a Regrettable Incident: For the first few months after treatment, consider practicing an aftermath of a regrettable incident once a week. It’s encouraged to use it with smaller disagreements so that you can get the hang of the six steps of the process. Remember, the masters of relationships rarely use all six steps at the same time. The write up and in session practice is to learn all six steps. Do this process 20 times, and you’ll find yourself incorporating different aspects of it spontaneously while discussing and area of disagreement (e.g., listening and validating your partner’s subjective reality or catching if one of you is flooded, or taking responsibility for some piece of the issue). Once a week, 30 Minutes.


Small things often. It’s the small, positive things done often that make the difference.


Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.