7 Week Guide for Creating Fondness and Admiration

Posted: October 7, 2022

7 Week Guide for Creating Fondness and Admiration

The following checklist contains items that are relationship enhancing thoughts that can replace the distress maintaining thoughts that lead to the distance and isolation cascade. Take this checklist to work with you and do the tasks suggested below. Do one a day. Try to genuinely think and rehearse these positive thoughts about your partner(s) and your relationship(s).

Instructions

Week I
- Monday
  - Thought: I am genuinely fond of my partner
  - Task: List one characteristic you find endearing or lovable. Use the I Appreciate List if you need help with finding the words.
- Tuesday
  - Thought: I can easily speak of the good times in our marriage.
  - Task: Pick one good time and write a sentence about it.
- Wednesday
  - Thought: I can easily remember romantic, special times in our relationship.
  - Task: Pick one such time and think about it.
- Thursday
  - Thought: I am physically attracted to my partner.
  - Task: Think of one physical attribute you like.
- Friday
  - Thought: My partner has specific qualities or strengths that make me proud.
  - Task: Write down one characteristic that makes you proud.
Week II
- Monday
  - Thought: I feel a genuine sense of “we” as opposed to “I” in this relationship.
  - Task: Think of one thing that you both have in common.
- Tuesday
  - Thought: We have the same general beliefs and values.
  - Task: Describe one belief you share.
- Wednesday
  - Thought: We have common goals.
  - Task: List one such goal.
- Thursday
  - Thought: My partner is my best friend.
  - Task: What secret about you does your spouse know?
- Friday
  - Thought: I get lots of support in this relationship.
  - Task: Think of a time when your spouse was very supportive of you.
Week III
- Monday
  - Thought: My partner helps me to reduce stress.
  - Task: List one time when your spouse helped you reduce stress.
- Tuesday
  - Thought: I can easily recall the first we met.
  - Task: Write a sentence describing what you remember.
- Wednesday
  - Thought: I remember many details about deciding to get married.
  - Task: Write a sentence describing what you remember.
- Thursday
  - Thought: I can recall our engagement.
  - Task: Write a sentence about what you remember.
- Friday
  - Thought: We divide up tasks in a fair way.
  - Task: Describe one way you do this on a regular basis. (If you do not do your share decide on a task to take on. )
Week IV
- Monday
  - Thought: We are able to plan well and have a sense of control over our lives together.
  - Task: Describe one thing that you both planned together.
- Tuesday
  - Thought: I am proud of this relationship.
  - Task: List two things about this marriage that you are proud of.
- Wednesday
  - Thought: I am proud of my future spouse.
  - Task: Recall a specific time you felt this pride.
- Thursday
  - Thought: I don’t like things about my partner, but I can live with them.
  - Task: What is one of these minor faults you have adapted to?
- Friday
  - Thought: This relationship is a lot better than most I have seen.
  - Task: Think of a marriage you know that’s awful.
Week V
- Monday
  - Thought: I was really lucky to meet my partner.
  - Task: List one benefit that being in relationship with your partner offers.
- Tuesday
  - Thought: Marriage is sometimes a struggle but it’s worth it.
  - Task: Think of one difficult thing that you have weathered together so far.
- Wednesday
  - Thought: There is a lot of affection between us. If there is not a lot of affection in the relationship can we add it back in by using the Magic 5 and 1/2 hour exercise?
  - Task: Plan a surprise gift for your partner for tonight.
- Thursday
  - Thought: We are genuinely interested in one another. We can do this by building our Love Maps with our partner.
  - Task: Think of something to do or talk about that would be interesting.
- Friday
  - Thought: We find one another to be good companions. If not can we build rituals of connection?
  - Task: Plan an outing together.
Week VI
- Monday
  - Thought: There is a lot of healthy living in my relationship.
  - Task: Think of a special trip you took together.
- Tuesday
  - Thought: My partner is an interesting person.
  - Task: Plan something to ask your partner about that interests the both of you.
- Wednesday
  - Thought: We respond well to each other.
  - Task: Write a letter to your partner and mail it.
- Thursday
  - Thought: If I had to do it all over again. I would still plan to marry the same person.
  - Task: Plan an engagement anniversary outing.
- Friday
  - Thought: There is a lot of mutual respect in my relationship.
  - Task: Consider taking a class together (ballroom dancing, horseback riding, etc) Or tell your partner about a time when you recently admired something he or she did.
Week VII
- Monday
  - Thought: Our time together is usually quite satisfying.
  - Task: Plan a romantic evening together.
- Tuesday
  - Thought: We have come a long way together.
  - Task: Think of all you have accomplished as a team.
- Wednesday
  - Thought: I think we can weather any storm together.
  - Task: Reminisce about having made it through a hard time.
- Thursday
  - Thought: We enjoy each other’s sense of humor.
  - Task: Rent a comedy video or dvd and watch together.
- Friday
  - Thought: My partner is very beautiful/handsome
  - Task: Get dressed up for an elegant evening together. Or plan another kind of evening out.

Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.