Many people find it difficult to admit when they’re feeling angry—even to themselves. Acknowledging and expressing anger can be especially tough when it’s directed at a significant other, as many of us prefer to sidestep conflict.

However, repressed anger doesn’t simply go away. That negative energy has to be expressed somehow, often revealing itself through recognizable signs.

One sign is an inclination to deny your feelings. If you’re secretly angry with your partner, you might insist you’re not upset—even before anyone asks. Complaining to a friend while following it up with, “I’m not mad, I just…” can indicate an unconscious awareness of your true emotions.

Another sign could be overcompensating. You might go out of your way to show how happy you are with your partner—perhaps by praising them to others or performing kind gestures. While these actions can be genuine, they may also stem from a desire to distance yourself from uncomfortable feelings.

Unaddressed issues can also stifle communication. If you’re holding onto anger, it may lead to awkward silences or superficial conversations when you’re alone together. Try using a stress reducing conversation to talk about it with your partner.

You might feel a reluctance to spend time with your partner. Hidden anger can create tension, making it uncomfortable to be around them, especially if they continue behaviors that irritate you.

When you do spend time together, you may struggle to maintain eye contact. That level of intimacy can feel unsettling, likely due to the negative feelings that arise.

Additionally, you may find it challenging to do nice things for them. What once felt effortless—like small gestures of affection or thoughtful gifts—might now seem difficult, as if being kind would be extending a favor to someone you’re upset with. To move beyond that try this game with your partner – Emotional Communication Game.

Celebrating their successes might also feel hard. When your partner achieves something, you could find it hard to feel happy for them, perceiving their success more as a loss for yourself.

Lastly, feelings of competition may arise. You might notice yourself competing over trivial matters, from who gets the bigger slice of dessert to whose jokes get the most laughs. Beneath this competitiveness could lie unacknowledged resentment.

While these signs don’t always indicate hidden anger, if you recognize several of them in yourself, it may be worth reflecting on your feelings toward your partner. Consider your relationship with anger and what makes it hard to acknowledge. If healthy expressions of anger weren’t modeled for you, or if anger feels intimidating due to its potential for conflict, seeking help from a therapist might be valuable.

With thoughtful effort, you can navigate these emotions constructively and build a stronger relationship in the process.