Supporting Your Partner Through Trauma

Nobody makes it through life without some bumps, unfortunately for some the scars run deep, and the past isn’t just the past. It can be hard to watch the ones we love go through these hard times, can be difficult to manage ourselves, and can be challenging to even know where to begin. Here are some suggestions for those that live with those who have survived trauma.

Thoughts

• Knowing is half the battle.
  • Try to learn, generally, how trauma affects the mind and body
  • Become familiar with common triggers, emotional states, and responses to triggers
    • Learn your partner’s specific triggers
  • Work to create a plan to support, not cure or be wholly responsible, your partner in crisis.
    • Explore some calming strategies which might be helpful.
  • Challenged self image
  • For the relationship to synergize, learn your:
    • Love Languages  (Note, this is not research or evidence based, though it is interesting)
  • (For these next two, I highly recommend registering or saving your results after you finish them)
    • Attachment Styles
    • Character Strengths. This is a long survey, also, when it’s done you can design an awesome date around it.
• Keep communication open
  • Be willing to take time outs, be specific about when / under what conditions the conversation will begin again.
  • Work to understand when a conversation became an argument and try to create a plan to work around them in the future.
• Don’t take it personally, practice selfcare.
  • Set your boundaries
  • Keep yourself in a positive space
• Don’t overcompensate. Some relationships with trauma fall into a pattern of care giver and care receiver, parent and child, guardian and “person who can’t look after themselves”. This can be comfortable or it can activate the drama triangle.
• Remember the Three C’s.
  • You didn’t create this
  • You can’t control this
  • You can’t cure this

Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Broken link? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to me here.