Meta-Emotion Interview

Posted: March 30, 2023

Performed individually. Say the following:

I would like to ask you some questions about how you feel about your feelings. Take surprise as an example. Now, some people don’t ever like being surprised. On the other hand, some people love to be surprised and love surprising others. Surprise is a feeling that they like and really enjoy and they want to have more of it in their lives. They go out of their way to have it. So, there’s no right or wrong about this. People are just different. I am going to be asking you about your own feelings, how you experienced feeling while growing up and how you feel about feelings now, O.K.? Do you have any questions?

Emotions: Sadness, Anger, Affection, Pride, Joy, Gratitude, and Kindness

“Let’s talk about feeling [emotion].”

What was your experience with [emotion] when you were growing up; what was [emotion] like in your family?
What made you feel [emotion]?
What would you do when you were [emotion]?
Who was approachable, who did you talk to (i.e., immediate or extended family members, teachers, clergy persons), or who comforted you when you were [emotion]?
How did your parents respond to your [emotion]?
How did your sisters and brothers respond to your [emotion]?
What was it like when your mother was [emotion]?
What was it like when your father was [emotion]?
How did your parents respond to each other’s [emotion]?
What was it like when your brothers or sisters were [emotion]?
How did your parents respond to your sister’s and brother’s [emotion]?
How did your parents let you know they were feeling [emotion] towards you? Can you think of a time they let you know they [emotion] you?

“Now let’s move to the present.”

What is it like for you to be [emotion] now?
What would you look like, what would I see if I saw you [emotion]? Could I tell if you were [emotion]?
Who is approachable, who do you talk to (i.e., partner, immediate or extended family members, friends, clergy persons), or who comforts you when you are [emotion]?
Who is approachable, who do you talk to when your partner makes you feel [emotion]?
Can you give me a recent example of when you were [emotion]?
In general, what are your thoughts and feelings about [emotion]? (In general, how do you feel about your [emotion]?)
How does your partner respond to your [emotion]?
How do you feel about your partner’s response to your [emotion]?

“Let’s talk about your partner’s [emotion]”

What about _________ (the partner)? Can you tell when (s)he’s [emotion]? Can you tell subtle signs? Tell me what it is like.
What does (s)he do when [emotion] (e.g., a little blue?)
How do you respond to ________ (partner’s) [emotion]? What might you do?
How does you partner respond to the way you deal with his or her [emotion]?
In general, what are your thoughts and feeling about ______ (partner’s) [emotion]?
What does your partner’s [emotion] bring out in you?
Can you give me a recent example or vivid example of one time that _____ (partner) was [emotion] and what happened; who said and did what (try to get a play-by-play account of what happened)?

Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Broken link? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.