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Pulled from the book Happy Together, here are a couple exercises on expressing kindness. Kindness is an essential aspect of well being and relationships, encouraging gratitude (which builds commitment) and working against contempt (which is the attribute most correlated to separation).


  • Cultivate Kindness. Try to express 5 new acts of kindness 1 day a week for 6 weeks
  • Contextualize Kindness. Consider the role of kindness in your relationship, how can you use kindness to support your relationship?
  • Assess Your Kindness Initiation. Consider some kind things you do for your partner(s), how do they respond to them? Based on their responses, how can you make your kindness initiations even better?
  • Assess Your Kindness Responses. Are there any acts of kindness your partner(s) perform that are not received well? How could you encourage your them to continue to make kindness bids in a more effective way?

Also, kind ways to start conversations.

Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.