The Meanings Interview

The interview has four parts:

1. Goals
2. Symbols
3. Roles
4. Rituals

It involves the exploration of common ground between the partners as well as differences between them.

Goals

• What are your life goals and your meanings?
• What are your hopes and aspirations, as individuals and together, for your children, for your lives in general, for your old age?
• What are your life dreams?
• Why do you have these goals, and where do you come from in your lives?
• Did your parents have similar or different goals?
• What is your life “mission”;what do you hope to accomplish in your lives; what is really important to them?
• Where is your common ground?
• What are the differences between them?
• How satisfied are you with this area of your lives?
• To what extent do you feel you are actually accomplishing important goals in your lives?

Symbols

• What does a “home” mean?
• What is the meaning of “peacefulness”?
• What is the meaning of “family”?
• What is the meaning of being married or being in a committed relationship?
• What is the meaning of “love” to each of them?
• What is the meaning of “money”?
• What Is the meaning of “fun” and “play”?
• What is the meaning of “trust”?
• What is the meaning of “freedom,” of “autonomy,” of “independence,” of “power”?
• What is the meaning of being “interdependent,” of being a “we”?
• What is the meaning of “having possessions,”of “owning things” (such as cars, nice clothes, books, music, a house, and land)?
• What is the meaning of “nature” to them, your relationship to the seasons?
• What do you reminisce about?
• What do you look forward to?
• What does it mean to be a (fill in couple’s last names), and what is the history of that?
  • For example, for many families, “being a Johnson” or being a good Christian, or Unitarian, or Quaker, or Ethical Culturist, or Jew, or Muslim, or Hindu, or Buddhist, or Taoist has enormous implications in terms of meaning in life and one’s relation to others.
• What if anything, is the meaning of religion and/or God in your lives?
• What is the meaning of “our sexual life together,” “safety,” “commitment,” “solidarity,” “charity,” and “community”?
• What is your common ground?
• What discrepancies between them exist in these areas?
• How satisfied are you with these areas of your lives?

Roles

The interview explores the meanings and history of the everyday basic roles of each person; man, woman, son daughter, husband, wife, father, mother, provider, protector, nurturer, educator, mentor, friend, religious and philosophical person, worker. Expand this worker role to “scientist,” “physician,” “craftsman,” “lawyer,” “artist,” “musician,” “actor,” “builder,” “homemaker,” and so on. These identifications with particular occupations can have enormous importance and meaning to a person.

• How do you balance work and a relationship and family?
• What takes priority?
• Are you both working all the time?
  • This is an increasingly greater pattern in the United States and in other countries throughout the world today.
• How do you allocate time?
  • Here resides an important part of the family’s culture and a great source of everyday tension, stress, and conflict.
• What is your common ground?
• What discrepancies between them exist in this area?
• How satisfied are you with this area of your lives?
• How fulfilling are your roles to them currently?

Rituals

First we are asking them about everyday rituals in your lives and what you mean. The interview explores the meanings and history of everyday rituals to each of them, such as family dinner times, reunions at the end of the day, mornings, fun and play times, dates and getaways, weekends, time with friends, time with kin, birthdays, holidays, sports  events, movies and TV viewing, religious festivals and holidays, adventure, travel, vacations, and other things you like doing together (collecting things, garage sales, driving around, picnics, outings, shopping, singing, making music, arts and crafts, etc.).

• How does this family do things like running errands?
  • Do you do errands together on Saturdays or Sundays, or do you split up?
• What is this like?
• What were the rituals like in your primary families?
• What is the way this family does these rituals?
  • Ask not only about rituals within the family, but also rituals involving the family within the larger community, the church, charity, helping others in need, the children’s school, political parties and politi\cal events, and so on.
• How do you move through time together, plan your time and how do you fill your time?
• What is your common ground?
• What discrepancies between them exist in this area?
• How satisfied are you with this area of your lives?
• Explore whether there are discrepancies between the couple’s spirituality and if there is common ground.
• Are there conflicts in this area?

Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.