Ending Gridlock: Fears of Accepting Influence
In this exercise, the partners discuss a core problem area in their relationship, but they do not in any circumstances, try to solve it. The second part of resolving a gridlocked issue is to get the couple to find some give in each of their positions.
In discussing a gridlocked issue, it’s also important for partners to discuss their fears of accepting influence from each other. At this point, discuss FEARS of accepting influence on this issue. We have found some women are too willing to give up their own aspirations for the sake of the relationship, with negative consequences for themselves and for the relationship later on. So women need some support in staying with their dreams while avoiding harsh startup.
Speaker’s Job: Talk to your partner about your own dream, and be GENUINE about what you are afraid of in helping to make your partner’s dream come true. Don’t give up your dream for the sake of peace between the two of you. Argue for what you really want, also don’t be mean spirited. Accept those parts of your partner’s ideas that you can live with. You will win by also letting your partner be influential.
Listener’s Job: Ask about your partner’s fears. There is some scenario of potential catastrophe in your partner’s head. Learn what this is, and then try to soothe these fears. Help make the plan a reality, one that you can feel good about stating. It is your job to give a great deal in this conversation. You will get your turn when you trade roles and discuss your own dreams and fears.
Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Broken link? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to me here.