Ask Open-Ended Questions

Ask Open-Ended Questions

The next step in knowing your partner is to ask questions that deepen your understanding of them.

“Did you call the plumber today?” is not a question that tells you much about your partner’s internal world.

Try asking, “If you had all the money in the world, what would your dream house be like?” You’d find out something entirely different. Open-ended questions have stories for answers—and layers of meaning that can help you understand the heart of who your partner is.

Try using the Gottman Card Decks found here.

Also, here are some examples:

1. What’s the most memorable moment we’ve shared together and why was it so special to you?
2. What makes you feel most loved in our relationship?
3. Is there something you’ve always wanted to tell me but haven’t yet?
4. How do you think we can best resolve conflicts when they arise?
5. What’s your biggest fear about our relationship?
6. How can we support each other to become the best versions of ourselves?
7. What do you hope for our future together?
8. Are there past experiences that still affect how you view our relationship now?
9. How can we listen and understand each other better without becoming defensive?
10. What can we do to reduce our egos in this relationship?
11. Is there something about me that you hope I can change or improve for our relationship’s sake?
12. How can we create more positive moments together?
13. What does commitment mean to you in our relationship?
14. Is there something from your past that you’d like to talk about more with me?
15. How can we ensure that we’re always honest and open with each other?
16. What makes you feel the most secure in our relationship?
17. What worries you the most about our relationship?
18. How do you show your love and affection?
19. What do you appreciate most about me?
20. How do you respond when you feel unappreciated or ignored?
21. What’s the toughest moment we’ve faced as a couple and how did you handle it?
22. What do you think is the most important thing you need to work on for this relationship?
23. How can we feel more emotionally connected?
24. How do you define loyalty in a relationship?
25. What are your hopes for our future together?
26. How do you typically deal with conflicts in a relationship?
27. Is there something from your past that still affects how you approach our relationship now?
28. How do you see your role in supporting me?
29. What’s most important to you in maintaining healthy communication in our relationship?
30. How do you show appreciation to me?
31. What do you miss most about me when we’re not together?
32. What do you think sets this relationship apart from your past relationships?
33. How do you handle uncertainty in our relationship?
34. What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned from being with me?
35. What can make you feel more valued in our relationship?
36. How do you ensure that you don’t bring past issues into our relationship?
37. What do you think can strengthen our relationship in the future?
38. What do you appreciate the most about our relationship?
39. How do you cope with jealousy in our relationship?
40. What can make you feel more loved and appreciated?

Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.