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Coping is how we respond to adverse events and difficult things. Savoring is coping when things go right. Savoring is the process of attending to, appreciating and enhancing positive experiences.” A second order kind of reflecting back on or being conscious of an experience and how we might influence that experience either as we’re having it or after / before it occurs.

When can we savor a moment?

  • Savoring the Future
    • This is anticipatory – plans, goals, fantasies
    • This can diminish actual moment when not lived up to, be careful and monitor expectations
  • Savoring the Moment
    • Be present and look at the present moment with gratitude
  • Savoring the Past (reminiscing)
    • Don’t substitute living in the past for the present though

6 Factors that influence the practice of Savoring

  • Duration of experience
    • Make time for it
    • Create a supportive pace to savor, can’t rush it.
  • Stress level
    • It can be hard to savor things when we’re stressed.
  • Complexity
    • Depends on the context if adding elements to or taking them out help to savor a moment.  Such as removing loud video games when watching a sunset or adding music to a family meal.
  • Attention and focus
    • Try to be more present in the moment being savored.
  • Self monitoring
    • We can’t force ourselves to enjoy things, you can check within yourself and be grateful. Rate your appreciation of the moment on a scale of 1-10.
  • Social connection
    • When you share a moment you are savoring with others, are they receptive?


4 Kinds of Savoring

  • World Focused – experiences that connect us with something beyond our individual selves. 2 kinds:
    • Thanksgiving, gratitude
    • Marveling, awe
  • Self Focused – experiences that connect us with something within ourselves, like our talents, our hard work, perhaps our personality, or our behavior, or something about our physical body. 2 Kinds:
    • Basking, feelings of pride
    • Luxuriating, pleasure

Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Broken link? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.