Newly engaged? Talking about a handfasting ceremony? Are you considering establishing a nesting or anchor partner? Just generally trying to move a little bit up the relationship escalator?
Intentional relationships, ones in which those involved mindfully choose and discuss how the relationship should look tend to go better. In the same way a pint of sweat can save a gallon of blood, a few hard conversations now can prevent years of resentment, loneliness, fear, and unhappiness.
In session, we can look at creating a shared culture, crafted meaning, delve into core values, and explore dynamics. We will also work on improving communication, managing conflict together, and mutually supporting each other.
Commonly discussed topics include:
What happens after the Honeymoon Phase
New Relationship Energy gives way to Established Relationship Energy before many realize. For some it’s after their first big fight, sometimes after enduring a major life event, while others feel a growing distance. When “we” talk begins to return to more “I” statements, what will you have built together to last?
Attachment Styles and Love Languages
How love is expressed and practiced can be different from person to person, partner to partner. Knowing how to hear and speak that language of loving a partner uses and being aware it may different from the one your fluent in can allow for easier communication. Understanding how and they engage in loving someone as a part of your relationship dynamic can better prepare each person to comfort or establish boundaries.
Communication and Managing Conflict
No matter how much time you spend together doing those things you love to do, eventually you’re going to have to talk to each other. Though we “talk” everyday, we know many people talk a lot while not saying much or being really heard. Exploring each other’s communication styles while learning new techniques to approach each other in accepting ways is vital to high value relationships.
Approaching the topic of sex can feel uncomfortable, taboo, laborious, or exciting. Asexuals and demisexuals may need to establish boundaries and compromises. Polyamorous and swinger relationships often need to discuss STI testing within their polycules. Those with sexually conservative upbringings may struggle with being ready or open to explore their sexual orientation and identity. Others may find challenges with mismatched high and low libidos or kink / BDMS interests currently or in the future. Views on fluid bonding are often missed in early conversations.
Who works? Who pays the bills? Who washes the pets, makes dinner, or folds the laundry? What happens when everyone is hungry but nothing sounds good? Discussing how activities of daily living will be delegated can save a lot of mild anger over being the only one that does the dishes… and being the only one that does them right! While polyamory can make great usage of the idea that “many hands make light work”, polycules benefit from being able to discuss such domestic issues.
Synonymous with how many children to have, if any, family planning involves much more. What happens in the event of an unexpected pregnancy… with a meta? Polyamorous and swinger dynamics may have starkly different ideas. When our parents grow older will they move in with us? What about siblings that are down on their luck and couch surfing? Will we distance from our families of origin, will we embrace a family of choice? What kind of parenting styles will we use, or are we adopting fur babies?
Couples are the default setting in our society. Stepping out of these boundaries which are reinforced by limited experience, media, family, and faiths mean you have a plethora of options, which can be scary. We will work together to build the framework of how you see your shared relationship and how you may want it to grow in the future.
Additionally, I am a TwoGether in Texas provider. Couples who complete pre-marital education with me will receive a completion certificate that can be presented to a Texas county clerk for to waive $60 off the marriage license fee as well at the 72 hour waiting period.
Whether you think you’ll be together for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, making time to learn to relationship better will help you build relationships of value. If you or someone you know is considering making a big step into a relationship, contact me below to schedule a free consultation.