Build Shared Meaning

Build Shared Meaning

This intervention can be used several times because there are many questions to reflect upon.

Instructions

• Begin by each getting a personal notebook. 
• Review the questions and tasks listed in the four sections of this exercise: family rituals, roles, goals, and symbols. 
• Choose one question from those sections you’d like to think about. 
• Then separate, and each of you write in your notebook your thoughts about the question.
• Read one another’s notebook. 
• Then discuss the question and your response with one another. 
• Discover your areas of common ground, areas that you can build upon. 
• Discuss your differences as well. 
• Find ways to honor the values, philosophies, and dreams of both of you.
  • Although in many areas you can have separate needs, find ways to be supportive of your partner in these areas. Where you differ fundamentally, find ways of being respectful, of honoring the differences between you. 
• Write out, if you’d like, your own family constitution, what you agree on about meaning and your shared philosophy of life.

Family Rituals

• How do we or should we eat together at dinner? What is the meaning of dinnertime? How was dinnertime done in each of our families growing up?
• How should we part at the beginning of each day? What was this like in our families growing up? How should our reunions be?
• How should bedtime be? What was this like in our families growing up? How do we want this time to be?
• What is the meaning of weekends? What was this like in our families growing up? What should they be like?
• What are our rituals about vacations? What was this like in our families growing up? What should these mean?
• Choose a meaningful holiday. What is the true meaning of this holiday to us? How should it be celebrated this year? How was it celebrated in each of our families growing up?
• How do we each get refreshed and renewed? What is the meaning of these rituals?
• What rituals do we have when someone is sick? What was this like in our families growing up? How should it be in our family?

Roles

• How do you feel about your role as a partner? What does this role mean to you in your life? How did your father or mother view this role? How are you similar and different? How would you like to change this role?
• How do you feel about your role as a father or mother? What does this role mean to you in your life? How did your father or mother view this role? How are you similar and different? How would you like to change this role?
• How do you feel about your role as a son or daughter? What does this role mean to you in your life? How did your father or mother view this role? How are you similar and different? How would you like to change this role?
• How do you feel about your role as a worker (your occupation)? What does this role mean to you in your life? How did your father or mother view this role? How are you similar and different? How would you like to change this role?
• How do you feel about your role as a friend to others? What does this role mean to you in your life? How did your father or mother view this role? How are you similar and different? How would you like to change this role?
• How do you feel about your role in your community? What does this role mean to you in your life? How did your father or mother view this role? How are you similar and different? How would you like to change this role?
• How do you balance these roles in your life?

Goals

• Write a mission statement of what your mission in life is.
• Write your own obituary. What would you like it to say?
• What goals do you have in life, for yourself, for your spouse, for your children?
• What do you want to accomplish in the next five to ten years?
• What is one of your life dreams that you want to fulfill before you die?
• What legacy do you want to leave after you die?

Symbols

We often fill our time with things that demand our immediate attention, putting out the fires, so to speak. But what are the truly important things in your life that are great sources of energy and pleasure that you really need to block out time for, the important things that keep getting postponed or crowded out? 

Have any thoughts, questions, suggestions, or comments on this article? Wondering how to this can be applied, modified, or adapted to your polyamorous, swinging, kink/ BDSM, or otherwise interesting relationship? Feel free to reach out to us here.